Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
