i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
