He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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