K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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