went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
