Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
