im six kinds of drunk right now
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
