You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
