Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
They took my balls.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
