i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
