what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
