The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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