yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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