Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
