I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I think I just shit out all my problems.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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