i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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