It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
