If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
