Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I lost the right to judge tonight
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
