3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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