i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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