Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
