and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
