i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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