we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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