I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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