Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
