No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
