Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
