shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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