Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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