So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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