You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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