Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Randomize
