Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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