butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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