this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
