U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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