You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
