It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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