Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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