Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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