Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
