smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
