***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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