I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
