i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
