Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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