Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
