can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
