He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
